Now, I preface this post by saying that I am writing from the experience of being a teacher, not a parent of a teenager. But I have nearly 10 years of experience in the classroom working with kids aged 12-18. I think that has awarded me some authority on the subject.
Very often I will sit and watch my students. Not in a creepy way, but in a curious, pensive way. They will be working quietly at their desks on a given assignment (or trying to sneak their texting underneath the desks, not so subtly). And I just sit and wonder, "What's really going on with that kid?"
Some students are very forthcoming about their lives, friends, activities, etc.- they are open books, waiting, begging, and pleading to be read. Others are closed books, never to be cracked open. They are reminiscent of those antique books, covered in dust, adorning someone's glass bookcase. To me, both are incredibly interesting.
What I have learned over the years is this: open or closed, teenagers have remarkable stories to tell.
Some are happy, fun, adventurous and encouraging stories.
Others are sad, frustrating, depressing, and unbelievable.
What I struggle with the most is how to help those with the latter. What can I, one teacher, who only sees the kid for 47 minutes a day, actually do to help?
While 47 minutes a day may not seem like much, it can be more time than some students spend with their own parents. I recently asked my 11th graders how many ate dinner with their families on a regular basis. I would estimate that less than a third raised their hands. And I can promise that one third are the ones who are better students academically, socially, and emotionally.
Most students said they "fend for themselves," finding whatever it is to heat up in the microwave. Some make dinner and take it directly to their rooms to eat while the rest of the family members are delegated to other rooms in the house. Other students are home all night by themselves because parents have to work.
Now, before I get attacked that "well, some parents have to work and can't be home for dinner" - relax. I understand. I'm not talking about those situations.
I'm talking to those parents who are home and still allow the family to eat in separate rooms. Dare I say that you should be ashamed of yourselves? Research has shown that families who eat dinner together are stronger families, with stronger marriages, and have stronger kids. What's so wrong with sitting around the table, eating (a home-cooked or ordered-pizza) dinner and talking with your kids?
Ask them a series of questions that cannot be answered with just a "yes" or "no."
"How was your day?" doesn't work.
"Tell me about the best thing in your day," does work.
Years ago I gave my students an assignment. It was a list of ten questions that they had to ask a parent (or grandparent, guardian, etc.). The catch was that they had to do it over mealtime. It could be a weekend or weekday breakfast, lunch, or dinner. But they had to sit down, have a meal, and discuss the questions. The students were to ask the adults things about their childhood, their first jobs, the first time they fell in love, their biggest regrets, and their greatest dreams.
I wasn't as shocked at the answers as I was the comments by the students. One boy came to me and said, "I was only able to go to McDonald's with my mom, but we were there for over an hour. I can't believe all I learned about her." His time with his mother was not unique. One after another the students shared that it wasn't so much what was discussed, but the time spent together.
Could you imagine if you sat down every night of the week and actually talked to your kids?
Can you afford not to?
No comments:
Post a Comment