When a couple recites their wedding vows, they always
imagine that the “bad times,” “sickness,” and “poorer” will happen to the other
couples, not them. All too often, when those less than desirable times occur,
the couple runs away from each other, not honoring the vows they made to each
other and to God.
This last year was a true test. We experienced the bad, the
poor, and the sick – all within a 24 hour period. One year ago today, I lay on
a surgeon’s table while the doctor performed a biopsy. By the time we got home,
a message awaited us that Nathan was let go from his job. The next day, the
cancer results were confirmed. Bad. Poor. Sick.
Instead of running away, Nathan ran toward me. I will never
forget the look in his eyes when the doctor said “cancer.” I will never forget
watching him punch a hole in our kitchen wall out of sheer angst. I will never
forget the tears that he shed and how tightly he held me – together.
He stood by my side for every moment of this journey. He
took me to every doctor’s appointment. He held my hand as the nurse inserted
the chemo needles each and every time. He got me whatever food sounded good
while I was sick and nauseous. He took care of the boys so I could rest. He
helped shave my head when my hair started to fall out. He told me I was
beautiful. After my surgery, when I felt like I had been chopped to bits, he helped
feed me. When I was strong enough to take a shower in the hospital, he was the
one to help me. I was so scared for him to see me all cut up, so I draped a
towel over me. The towel fell, and I know that he saw my scarred body, but he
never said a word because he knew I wanted to keep it a secret for just a
little bit longer. Once home, he helped
me change the bandages over my drains. He helped me get dressed. He told me I
was beautiful.
He rejoiced with me when the doctors said that I was cancer
free.
This summer, we will be married for 11 years. We were
supposed to take a vacation last summer to celebrate our 10 year wedding
anniversary, but life got in the way. I pray that this summer we get the
opportunity to spend just a few days together celebrating just how far we’ve
come, preferably somewhere with a beach and a few margaritas. Just sayin’.
Our wedding song has always been important to me, and it
proved even more so this year. It’s titled I
Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman. I close with the lyrics and a link to the song, and a heart
full of gratitude to God for blessing me with Nathan. I couldn't have done this without him.
I Will Be Here Music Video
If you wake up
And the sun
Does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark
We lose sight of love
Hold my hand
And have no fear
'Cause I, I will be here
I will be here
When you feel like bein' quiet
When you need
To speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winnin', losin' and tryin'
We'll be together, 'cause I will be here
Tomorrow mornin'
If you wake up
And the future
Is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons
Are made for change
Our lifetimes
Are made for years
So I, I will be here
I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror
Tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things
You are to me, I will be here
I will be true
To the promise I have made
To you and to the one
Who gave you to me
I, I will be here
And just as sure as seasons
Are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here
We'll be together, I will be here
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