When I received my teaching assignment this year, I was thrilled - 11th grade English. One of my favorite reasons to teach this grade is because I get to teach my favorite novel - Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston.
If you're not familiar with the novel, it's a story of a young black woman, Janie, who spends her life trying to figure out who she is and spends her years chasing the dream of "true love." After two failed marriages and a third that ends in murder, the character returns home. My students get emotionally attached to the characters and spend the weeks in deep conversation about the themes of the book.
Today's chapter featured "Janie" being married off to a man some estimated 60 years her senior. Her grandmother arranges this marriage because she knows she's nearing death and wants her granddaughter to be well-taken care of - mostly financially. This gentleman has a home and 60 acres of land. Janie lives with him for one year, and continually "waits for love to begin." After the year is up, she says that "the dream (of marriage) is dead."
After a discussion of marriage in today's society, I asked my students the following question:
"Is marriage worth it?"
And the overwhelming, sad, and immediate response was "No."
I asked more questions. Why is it not worth it? Why do people get divorced? Why should they not get married in the first place?
The majority of students saw no purpose in marriage. They said they've seen too many divorces, too many unhappy people, and some even said that "marriage was a waste of money and time." They claimed boredom, adultery, abuse, and personality changes as reasons people don't stay together. They didn't see the purpose in the "piece of paper." They said they've become numb to the negative stigma that society used to have on divorce.
And I felt sad.
I am going to be married ten years this coming August. Has every minute been, as my husband would say, sunshine, daisies, and unicorn farts? No. Sometimes it's been just the farts.
But the truth is, I love my husband. I love our marriage. I love our family that we have created. I love our memories. I love our story. Our good times and our bad times have created the strong couple that we are. We've grown together; we've laughed a lot; we've changed together. Are we the same people we were 13 (gasp) years ago when we started dating? No. But I think that's a good thing. Are there things we didn't expect as we exchanged our vows? Sure. The whole "poorer, sicker, and bad times" part of the vows weren't what we looked forward to, but it was what we committed to. And we made a commitment to God to stick together through those times.
My heart breaks for these young kids who see no hope in the future. They haven't seen what good marriages can look like. So, can we blame them for not wanting to get married? I wish people would stop making the excuses of, "Well, he's/she's not the same person," or "I just fell out of love," or "We have nothing in common." Those aren't real reasons; they're sad excuses for not sticking things through. Sure the grass may be greener on the other side; it's the most green over the septic tank.
So regardless of what the world says, I love my marriage. Unicorn farts and all.
Oh the farts made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad too. I hope as they grow their views change. Ultimately, just because they choose not to get married, the other stuff (the long-term relationships, the living together, the children) is all still there. The "stuff" is still hard. Paper or no paper. My vote is paper. I take those vows seriously. Maybe it is a lack of religious background?
At any rate, I also love that book.