It doesn’t matter where we go - a store, a restaurant, the
beach – anywhere. We inevitably get stopped by, usually a woman, who feels the
need to comment about the three small children that we tote with us.
The comment always
goes something like this:
“Wow, three boys? You sure
do have your hands full…” The comment is either preceded by a sympathetic
look as though I had leprosy, or it is followed by a raised eyebrow as if I had
birthed three hyenas and had clearly neglected proper birth control procedures
to prevent aforementioned hyenas.
Of course we have our hands full! Raising three boys, ages
five and under, can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes we feel like a
traveling circus, and sometimes we feel like the orangutan exhibit at the local
zoo. Are they perfect kids? No. Am I a
perfect mother? Far from it. But I love my boys. And my hands are also full when
I’m doing laundry, taking out the garbage, or putting away groceries, but no
one comments then.
Why does this bother me so much, you might ask? It irks me
for a few reasons.
Reason #1 – Why do people feel the need to voice their inner
thoughts to complete strangers? I don’t approach people and say, “Wow, your
hair stylist was really having an off day, huh?” If they only knew what our
family really has been through, they
wouldn’t think that having “just” three boys was so tough. You don’t know
anyone’s story until you’ve walked miles
in their shoes. So go ahead and comment. I wear an 8 ½, by the way.
Reason #2 – It is no one’s business how many children we choose
to have or not have. Please don’t look at me like I was negligent in the arena
of birth control. Don’t stand there and do the math as to the years between my
children. Don’t look at me like a breeder. Don’t look at me and try to
determine how old I am in relation to
my children. Yes, I’m young, but I had children with my husband, and after
I earned two college degrees and worked for years. Clearly, I’m not a strain on
society. A family member, who also has multiple children, was recently scoffed
at when she mentioned that they wanted an even larger family. The number of
children a husband and wife choose to bring into this world is an issue that is
between God and them.
Reason #3 – Perhaps the strongest reason as to why this
bothers me so much is that it is all that my children hear. Every
time we leave the house, someone is telling them that they “are a handful.”
When you hear something enough times, you start to internalize and believe it.
If I tell myself every day that I am worthless, ugly, and stupid, eventually I
will believe that I am worthless, ugly, and stupid. But if I tell my children
that they are loved, blessed, and special, they will grow into young men who
believe that they are loved, blessed, and special. And I pray that they will someday
raise children of their own and tell them that they, too, are loved, blessed,
and special – and not just “handfuls.”
So the next time a perfect stranger approaches us and feels
that it is their place to comment on the existence of my three precious boys, I
will reply with the following:
“Thank you for your input, and I am sure you are
well-intentioned. But I would prefer my children to not believe they are
burdens on their parents, but know that they are blessings from God. The next
time you feel it necessary to comment on someone’s family, you’d be better to
tell them how beautiful, blessed, or fantastic their family is. Have a nice
day.”
